I Don't Want to Wait

Well, you know you are officially a loser when you feel as much turmoil over watching the rerun episode of the graduation of Capeside High on DVD as you do thinking back to your own graduation. I can't help it. I'm a dreamer, and I love to escape into movies and good (or, in some people's opinions - awful) TV. But it must be said that, in the defense of Dawson's Creek, something doesn't have to be real - or even ultimately realistic - to teach you something about life.

I've almost entirely committed myself to staying up all night. I've recently reacquainted myself with my old high school desire to never fall asleep. For the life of me I can't figure out if that's a step in the right direction or the wrong one, and for the life of me I don't at all care. I've taken on this new attitude, or more likely I feel as though it has taken on me, where I just don't care to worry about things, or feel bad emotions. Maybe it some sort of strange denial (although, in complete truth I don't know a damn thing I currently have to be in denial of), but I'm still happily accepting it into my life. After multiple years of constant worry over things I can't even really quite figure out or remember anymore, I welcome the opportunity to not think about anything in particular.

I do need to get a job though, by the end of the week. I'm painfully aware of what a failure I have been in that department thus far and I'm relatively certain that if I continue to fail I may push Jordan past his current state of subtle disappointment to some sort of legitimate despise. I am trying, even though I'm certain that it appears that I'm really not.

I will admit that these posts (this one in particular) are becoming much more personally dramatic than I was planning/hoping. Although I may not have yet shown anything to the contrary, this blog was not meant to relive my glory days of overly emotional blog writing that I'm not sure I could even muster up the energy to try and completely understand. However, as is my current position on all of my life, it is what it is and I have no desire to figure it out any more than that.

So anyway, I have decided I think I am going to write some old friends some embarrassing and possibly sappy letters about how I appreciate the moments they had in my life. Because if there is anything my melancholy and teen drama filled weeks of unemployment have produced, it is a bit of reflection and thankfulness. Of course, I am most likely going to send these "letters" over facebook simply because I'm currently too broke to afford the stamps (again - I need a job), but I still think it will be an interesting way to pass my night.. well, morning.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you good evening (morning) for now. I don't have a daily picture (which I am a bit upset about - I wanted to make that a trend) due to the fact I don't feel like turning on any lights and disrupting the quiet to find my camera and memory card. But all the same, goodnight and good day.